I5 yrs ago

I worked really hard at being honest and not having any credit cards for quite a while. We worked up a strategic budget with a PASTOR we knew. We were not going to CHURCH at this time. We were definitely not putting GOD first, I know that for sure.

My husband and I were going through life letting other IDOLS capture our attention and our HEARTS. We pulled ourselves out of the JAWS of financial debt.

14 years ago

Being DEBT FREE was only short lived. We had a medical bill show up that was big. Our debt looked like a MOUNTAIN again. We were back in trouble. This was the first of many medical bills to come.

We were forced to sell a car that I definitely idolized. NOT JUST ANY CAR, MY CAR. It was a souped up brand new Pontiac Grand Prix with a sun roof and instrument panel that look like the inside of a Boeing 757. It was my baby. Have you ever owned a BABY like that? That you were PROUD of? That you liked to show off? I drove it everyday to the Elementary School that I worked at. I loved it when I would drive up and the kids would run over just to say, “Awesome Car Mrs. Cramer.” I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was feeling PUFFED UP and starting to get a BIG HEAD. I liked having fancy things! I needed more of a humble attitude, but I definitely wasn’t worried about striving for that. It was not fun when we listed my COVETED car up for sale. You know what was even more UNSAVORY, was watching a snot nosed teenager with her daddy come look at the car. I was boiling inside. A young teenage girl getting my car. Her DADDY paying for all of it. LIFE IS NOT FAIR SOMETIMES.

We started using a vehicle that my PARENTS loaned us. When I pulled up to the school in this vehicle, the kids no longer ran up to me to tell me how awesome my car was. They paid me NO attention. I guess that was better that shouting hurtful things.

At this same time in my life I had worked hard to loose 40 pounds. I was exercising and was finally “FIT”. I had never been like that before. Step aerobics. It was a GOD SEND to me. Worked awesome. I would choose to spend an hour every day, DEDICATED to it. I started BOASTING to others about my fitness level, and was BRAGGING about my weight loss. While I was feeling good, I was making other feel down. I was not being ENCOURAGING to others- especially other women. I was to busy BRAGGING about myself to be encouraging to others. Guess what, you can’t do both. I was at my mom’s one day. She finally stopped me MID SENTENCE to tell me I had turned into something she wasn’t proud of. She went on to explain that my ATTITUDE of hurting others by my WORDS was pretty crappy. This is a season of my life I am NOT PROUD OF. I, who used to care about others’ feeling, had lost my MO JO. In seeking my own happiness, I had lost my INATE ability to see others. To really SEE others, to look into their eyes and see their emotions. You know what, I had also LOST MYSELF. This is a really bad feeling if you have never experienced it.