Have you ever felt like you don’t have anything SPECIAL about you? Have you struggled to find your PURPOSE? DO you feel like you WANT MORE to your mundane life? Do you feel LESS THAN? Do you feel like the Misfit?

I have dealt with these questions roughly through most of my 40’s. I would look around and see others that I knew, who were successful in their careers, family lives, or at their church. They seemed HAPPY. I wanted to be HAPPY.

Looking back on this time in my life, I can see the JEALOUSY I had of others. I viewed others as having perfect lives, or what I perceived as perfect lives. They all seemed to have it TOGETHER. I felt plain when comparing myself to others. I can see now that this was a sin. Wanting what others had, even if it was a happy, filling life that I was after.

The word was: PLAIN. I did not want to be PLAIN. I did not want to feel PLAIN. I wanted something more. I wanted to feel SPECIAL. I wanted to feel SEEN. I was one of those that could be in a room for an hour, and no one would even notice. A WALLFLOWER. I hated it. I wanted to STAND OUT to others. Not be the center of attention, but at least have people know that I was in the room. NOT OVER LOOKED. I didn’t understand why GOD made me the way I was.

During this time I was super JEALOUS of my sister. I couldn’t help it. She is one of those few that could walk into a room and LIGHT UP the whole place. She has a heart of gold. A love and care for others that doesn’t stop. She has a SPARK about her. One that everyone is drawn to. I wanted to be like that, like her. Why was I born as an INTROVERT, quiet and antisocial? I can even remember getting mad at my sister for singing so much at church. Man I was a SELFISH person at this time. I even told her to quit being the center of attention, that she always made everyone overlook me. Sweet sis if you are reading this, I am SORRY. Please forgive me. It just wasn’t my time or place to shine. JESUS didn’t make me to shine in that way. Now I can see that. I was trying to be what I wasn’t ever meant to be.

I was also feeling very INSECURE and UNFULFILLED in my Christian Walk during this time of my life. It lead to a lot of questions. Such as: Where do I fit in? What am I doing wrong? Did I miss the boat on getting a Christian Gift that I could use? For years I wandered around kind of lost.

But there is definitely light at the end of my tunnel, and it is His light. I can’t wait to share the LIGHT and what He has done in my life. It makes me the most Happy and Fulfilled person I have ever been. I can’t wait to share with you.

We will revisit this again soon. Have an awesome day.