Pups just have a way of making you feel special. I love all the attention! Such sweet gifts from God!
They can sense when we are happy, sad, down, anxious, etc. Then they know exactly the right thing to do to lift our spirits!
Today has been a good day. Have had more energy and got out of the house for some fresh air. Spent time with my kids and am just enjoying each day. It is funny how a probable medical diagnosis can make you appreciate the smaller things in life.
Hypothetically, What do you believe you would think of first when you are given a Grimm medical diagnosis?
You kids, your spouse, your bank account, will you make it in to Heaven?
This week has proved to be full of difficult tests for me.
I can now say that when faced with a possible life expectancy issue, that my first thought was, “thank you that I know you Jesus, and I know where I am going after this life.“
I have a type of cancer on my Left kidney that we are sorting out what to do with.
I am happy for the answer to why I have been in so much pain, and have felt so tired recently. At least I now know it wasn’t all in my head.
I will do my best to keep writing on my blog. Please bear with me as I am navigating new territory.
Love 💕 Lee Ann
It is a beautiful, rainy day. I am one of the weird ones that loves a gloomy day.
You see, I grew up on a farm and rain always meant happiness at the house of my youth.
I have carried that forward into my present life.
My husband and I have been studying a book on marriage today. We are learning that we have never really put God first in our marriage. That we have definitely been living unto what we ourselves want and think we need. We will be working to implement some of the new things we are learning.
I am still working on myself as well. Working to try and curb my spending. I still have great days and horrible days with my spending.
There is so much new to learn. I was praying for God to make me quit spending so much-Just to find out that God isn’t going to do it for me. It will take some major work on my part. God will give me a way out each time I want to spend, but I have to choose to take it.
I am a work in progress. So is my marriage, and that is okay…
OK, so this one is not going to be a super happy post. Actually it may be quite depressing to read. It’s going to be a real post. Real, meaning that I am being true to myself and others by sharing how I am truly feeling.
You know what’s hard. Living each day trying not to focus on what my medical diseases have so easily stolen from me. My freedom. I feel like everything has been taken from me somedays. My ability to walk down the street in a town and view all of the store fronts. Yes I can still do that in a wheelchair with help from someone to push me. I have both rheumatoid and fibromyalgia as well as three discs in my back that I need to have surgery on. I’ve had all the injections they can give me, and they have stopped giving me any relief. I will soon be on the list for a back surgery in Wichita.
Fact is this gets me really down when I dwell on it to long.
I remember the days where I got up at 4:00 in the morning to go to work on the floor at the hospital as an RN. I ran up and down the halls like a crazy lady. Taking for granted what God, every day, allowed me to do. These days are long behind me.
There are days. I have to fight to get myself up from my recliner. Fight physically and mentally. it is so easy to just want to sit there. I admit there are times I just wanna give up.
It is the thought of what I once was vs what I have been forced into. I do not like the new me. I do not like having to conserve my energy by doing small tasks and taking breaks between each one. I want to stand up and be superwoman.
My rheumatoid, as it has damaged my large joints, makes movements hard.
To walk on an uneven surface can be slightly spooky for me too now. It would be too easy to slip and fall.
I remember carrying 5 gallon buckets of water to put on tree rows at my mother and father‘s farm. I carried those things like they were nothing back then. Once again, I never thought about the gift I had been given at that point. I still have a gift now just a different one. Now I have a gift that God‘s given me to still be around and see my kids. I am just hoping for a lot more Pain relief, and fatigue reduction. I do not feel like my medication is working well, but I also know that I can feel so much worse than I do right now if I stop my in bro. I have been to the point where a light blanket hurts so bad that it makes me cry. I do not want to change anything and risk being miserable like that.
I would like to be able to see my grandkids whenever we have some. I used to dream about how it would be with grandkids, and in my dreams I was always an able bodied person that could run after them and take good care of them when they were with me. Now I am realizing that I will need to have some help as the little ones start moving around. I could help with a baby that doesn’t move around a whole lot, but it would get rough for me with one that is older for sure.
I have always been one that could just dream up about anything and I had a wild imagination and I still do. I think that is the one thing that keeps me sane through everything I go through. Just having that imagination and knowing that Jesus my Lord is next to me. Those two things I give credit to on a daily basis.
Today Paul and I are visiting Emporia State University with Emily. She is already accepted to the college and signed up. She has several scholarships and is so excited to come. Today she wanted to come down early so that she would have time to look through the stores and see what kind of things are here to do. It’s things like this were. It’s hard for me because I either have to sit in the vehicle or have somebody else help. Push me in that wheelchair and it just it is so much easier to want to say just leave me in the vehicle, because I feel bad about making one of my loves ones “PUSH” me around everywhere. But if I don’t do this, then I miss out on so many memories with my daughter. I think that is what really truly hurts me. I’m a big memory person. I live off memories with people, especially ones that have passed on and that’s all you have to remember them by is the memories. I want to make good memories for Emily with me as one day, like all of us will, I will be gone, and I want her to have happy memories with me.
Old me I miss you, new me, we are gonna figure this out. I refuse to set idly by and not fight for the ability to share my time with my loved ones. 
There is someone out there that loves you for you.
It is your creator, God Himself.
He made you perfectly.
It doesn’t matter what you have done, how many mistakes you have made, what your rap sheet has on it. What you look like.
He will accept you when you come just as you are.
It is quite simple really.
All he asks is that we approach his son Jesus. Close your eyes and say Jesus. Talk to him. He is right there.
We must believe in our hearts that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. Yes every one of those dark and dirty moments. The things that haunt us. What we have done that never should have been done.
Jesus took our place on that cross so many years ago. He did so out of love. Love for you and I.
He wants us to draw near and repent of these sins. Ask for forgiveness, and he will wash you white as snow. Choose to turn away from that ugly life and choose follow Him.
It is a decision that has to be consciously made to follow Him. Tell Jesus you choose to follow Him.
It doesn’t mean we will be perfect. Oh no, I wish it did.
Get you a copy of the Bible, His word. Read it. Certain versions are easier to understand than others.
Daily we try to do better and we feel compelled to be more like Jesus. We are to confess to others about our new found love for the Lord. Spread His message.
There are a lot of people out there hurting, and they are looking for anything that will fill that empty hole in their heart. Nothing besides Jesus will permanently fill this spot. It has taken me way too long to figure this out.
Not money, not friends, not chocolate cake, not buying something new everyday, etc. can fill the emptiness like Jesus can.
I finally feel loved and fulfilled.
Best decision ever.
To know where I am going after my time here is done. Heaven, I can’t wait!
Happy Sunday everyone.
Do you welcome change in your life with a positive attitude, or are you a little reluctant?
I know I myself can drag my feet a bit with change. This is why it is a good thing to have someone available to be there-to give me that boost I need to get started.
With change comes the possibility to really spread your wings and fly. To grow into something new and beautiful.
It is just that uncertainty that gets me. What if I fail?
What if?…..
What if I never try? Then I will have a 100% chance of never attempting to catch my dream and ride on the cloud 9 that goes with it.
I don’t know about you, but my life is ready for an enema. Ready for a 100% turn around. I am so excited to be starting at the beginning and re-writing my story.
I want to be able to share with others. To encourage them, lift them up, straighten their crowns.
Lord Jesus thank you for using me in any way you see fit. I am yours through and through.
I have been learning in therapy this week about the duties of a wife according to God. We can find a lot of information in the Bible on how both a wife and a husband should go about married life.
It isn’t always the easy way out, that is for sure.
This fleshly body of mine desires to put myself first, and not think of my husband before myself.
When I was reading my lesson this week, I admit I did quite a bit of crying as I realized that in all our years of marriage we have never successfully mastered much of the instruction that God has put in His plan for us.
This week marks a first for me in my new attempt to live more as a godly wife should.
Am I going to be perfect, absolutely not.
God is never early…never late… his timing is perfect.
We are the ones that make things difficult. Getting our worry wart on, wanting everything to happen right now.
See, the thing is that God can see the big picture of our lives, when we can only see the moment we a currently in (present). Yet we think we know better than God does.
We are constantly sending up prayers that say, “Lord we need it like right now ASAP.”
Do we not trust him?
Our prayers need to be more like “God help me to see that your timing is the best, most perfect, and ordained by You!
Why should I fear. You hear my prayers and want only good for me. Give me patience in the waiting, and faith to endure.“
I love opening packages after I purchase items. When they arrive at my house I get an exhilaration that I believed was like no other.
It didn’t matter if the item I purchased was inexpensive, or more on the expensive side of the scale. I love the feeling I get when they arrive. Opening the box, moving the tissue paper aside to reveal my next treasure.
I was trying to fill an empty place in my heart with that elated, high, wonderful feeling that I get when opening a package.
My therapist asked me, “what do you think you would be missing if you stopped buying things”? My answer was that feeling of excitement.
She asked me if I have ever felt this feeling from anything else.
My answer was yes, I have. I feel this way when I am worshipping my Lord. When the Holy Spirit falls, and I feel free and happy.
I am working toward buying less, and filling my life with more time reading the Word and listening to Christian music. This is how I can meet Jesus on a personal level, and experience that happy, elevated feeling. It is honestly a better feeling than I could ever get from my purchases.
My Jesus. I love you. Help me to see that you can make me a more fulfilled person than I can on my own.
